Punishment ideas

101821812_612242576050769_262983497528901632_nDiscipline & Punishment Ideas

Discipline focuses on teaching desirable future behavior.

Punishment is to inflict suffering as consequence for past behavior.

 

Punishments should not be done in anger, and should always reinforce positive behaviors. 

Here are some ideas for punishing your submissive without being physical or giving them spankings.

Discussion This is for the minor infractions or first time offense, simply stating that you are disappointed in their actions and offer a better solution for next time.

Submissive’s input  Deciding on a punishment together, by letting the submissive voice their thoughts on what punishment would fit the crime. Discuss why they acted out, what they did wrong and desired behavior for next time.

Daily Affirmations Use this for when the submissive talks bad about themselves or their body. This will help them see the beauty and value of their life while reinforcing positive body imagining. Give them a sentence to say in the mirror every day or even every hour and then take a pic and see the beauty within oneself.

Reenactment   Redo the situation immediately, this time with the correct behavior. Repeat if needed, answer any questions they may have to better understand what they did wrong and what will be expected of them next time.

Lectures  Make them meaningful learning experiences, not just scoldings. Explaining the desired behavior, why it’s desired, and why it’s best for the sub and the relationship.

No Dessert This can be a restriction from their fave foods, snacks, or dessert. You can also force them to eat something they don’t like (ALWAYS make sure they do not have any allergies to that food)

Writing Lines  Make sure the sentences include either what they did wrong, or the changed behavior. They should be numbered, neat and correct spelling/grammar. You can have them put their finished pages in a folder so she can keep up with all infractions.

Writing This can be a letter to the Dom, or an essay paper (like in school). There should be an apology, also an explanation of what they did wrong and how this will be corrected in the future. This should be in proper paragraph format with correct spelling and grammar.

Withdrawal of Privileges  Basically grounded from your fave toys or activities for a designated length of time.

Extra Cleaning Chores This would be extra chores they normally don’t do, or don’t do as often. You can make it more intense by having them use only a toothbrush or on their knees (get creative)

 

The following are a little more extreme. Make sure you know your submissive enough to know the punishment won’t cause a negative outcome or be viewed as abusive. The point of a punishment is to correct a behavior and reinforce the negotiated behavior.

 

Corner Time Having to sit still either in a corner or up against the wall, can also be placed in a cage during this time. No talking, moving, or electronics. Can be intensified by having to hold a coin on the wall with their nose, kneeling on rice or books on outstretched arms.

Bondage  Any form of bondage for a set amount of time. During this time they are not allowed to talk or try to escape, they are to reflect on their actions and what modifications need to be made in order to avoid another punishment. While they are tied up you should NEVER leave them alone or have them gagged (as a safety precaution).

No contact That does NOT mean to ignore them. Explain what they did wrong, the length of the punishment/no contact and the behavior you were expecting. They are to take the time to reflect on their behavior and how they can change it. During this time they are not allowed to initiate any form of contact (in person, online, text or calling).

Lose Furniture Privileges They are not allowed to sit on any furniture during a designated time. This includes but not limited to the couch/chair, bed, kitchen table, and outdoor furniture. They are to sit on the floor to do any activity including eating and sleeping.

Removing Collar  This is my least favorite punishment to give or receive. I honestly don’t recommend it at all. It should be used as a last result, and only removing the collar temporarily. At this point, if you have tried all the other punishments and they are still disobeying, being bratty or being disrespectful you should sit them down and discuss if this relationship is what they really want. There is no reason an adult can’t follow rules. They might be acting out because they are unhappy with the relationship, their submissive roles and/or the lifestyle. 

 

Once punishment is completed, it should be dropped. You should not bring up previous punishments or bad behavior when dealing with current behavior (unless they keep disobeying the same rules). Be sure they know you are proud of them for completing the punishment and using it as a tool to be a better submissive and person for you in the future.

 

Different types of submissives

101544815_1618126901690512_6822155164254732288_nA submissive is a role in the BDSM community, it is to the right of the /. There are several types of submissives, different levels if you will. One is not better than the other, just different. Different in many ways including the amount of control you give to your Dominant, and even what type of Dominant you might be looking for. A sub can be a boy/boi, girl, gender fluid or gender neutral or trans (or any that i have forgotten) All sexualities and gender identities are also included in being a submissive.

I’ve done many years of research on the various roles in this lifestyle, I am writing the following to break down what the sub roles are and to help decide what type of submissive you might be. This is my opinion drawn up from years of personal experiences, talking with other educators in the lifestyle, reading lots of notes about the various submissive roles. You do not have to decide just one, you can be some of one and more of another. You might also change roles completely as you grow in the lifestyle or if you change partners.

Bottom. A bottom is technically not a submissive at all, but we class them under subs because they are in the s-role in a scene. I am not saying submissives are better than bottoms, this isn’t a race so calm down. A bottom is there to experience the scene, NOT to submit. They are not necessarily sexual with the Top in the scene, but can be. A bottom would be the prey role in a primal scene, or the masochist in a S/m scene. We would also classify a S.A.M. (Smart ass masochist) as a bottom. They use bratty behavior to be anywhere from teasing to down right rude to their Top to get a sadistic primal reaction from the Top. They want pain and want to be put in their place and won’t give that up easily.

Service Submissives A service sub is less about sex and more about doing chores for their Dom. Some will dress up in a maid uniform or completely naked. They enjoy providing services for the D-figure. This role is usually not sexual at all, but of course that is acceptable if both parties agree to the terms. Dommes will have their service subs serve tea to other Dommes during a traditional tea party.

Sexual Submissive  A sexual sub is similar to a bottom, with the exception they do submit, but only during the scene. They are also known as bedroom submissives. Again one is not better than the other. These submissive are usually very busy or have kids so it is not ideal to be naked, kneeling and awaiting their next order. A lot of times this is what married couples will do to spice up their marriage. I have known some that were so strong willed outside of the bedroom that this was their only time to let go and be free to float about subspace.

Internet Submissive An internet sub is one that experiences all things online. They usually use some mssg service, phone calls and video calls to spend time with or scene with their partner. They usually never meet their Dom/Domme, or play in real time* (Real time instead of real life bc real life implies that online is not real life). With some this is all they want, for whatever personal reason they don’t want to take it to real time, others can’t either bc of their location, job or just not confident enough to take it to the next step. There is a huge community of online only kinksters on various sites. I cannot suggest any websites besides FetLife bc I am not an online sub, and would not want to put anyone at risk. I have spoken with some that have experienced subspace from an intense phone call from their Master,

Littles A little is a submissive that has a childlike attitude and view on life. A sub normally serves their Dom, but in a CG/L a little is taken care of by their Caregiver(CG). Even though it looks like its reverse and the little is in charge, they are not. The CG wants and needs to take care of their little, it’s in their nature and fulfilling to them. There are times where the little does serve their CG, during a scene or by completing a task. The littles usually likes to have fun play dates with coloring and stuffies. Littles and their CG are NOT into pedophilia and/or incest. Their Daddy is not their biological father or pretending to be. The Daddy/Mommy role is more of a caregiver, emotional supportive, a cheerleader and Dominant. A lot of people lately have been putting age play and being a brat as a requirement to be a little. NOT all littles age play, and not all those that age play are littles (or even a submissive). You can age play (or regress into little space) AND be a little BUT it is not required. So those littles that don’t age play won’t have a “little age”

Being bratty is a behavior NOT a role, and is not normally part of being a little. Besides some light “picking” and teasing, a little does as they are told. The bratty behavior belongs with a SAM which is a bottom. You can be a little with bratty tendencies (SAM tendencies to be correct) the little side is who you are in your dynamic, the SAM part should only come out in a scene, since that characteristic is part of a bottom. “Funishments” are wrongly placed as a little thing. They are bratty to get a fun-punishment. This is completely incorrect. A SAM will be bratty and disrespectful to get pain or a spanking from their Top.  No submissive, littles included want to be punished or disrespect their CG. 

Submissive A sub is someone that enjoys giving up control in exchange for pleasure in serving their Dom/me. They follow the negotiated rules set out by the D-figure, and agree to a punishment if they break a rule or are disrespectful. Normally a submissive will have a safe word, even during punishment. Their Dominant will also ask for and consider the subs input and opinions about a scene or different kink, especially if they haven’t explored it together before. While the Dom has control, and the final say so, the sub does have a voice in this dynamic.

Slave A slave is the submissive in a Master/slave relationship. This relationship is built on trust, yes the others are as well, but M/s is VERY strict. Once the vetting process is over, the negotiation period will begin. Some of the old guard have collars for each stage of an M/s (I will be posting about the various types of collars very soon). During this negotiation stage you will be “under consideration” meaning the Master will be going over various rules, scenes, kinks, limits and punishments they expect you to follow if you decide to submit. You have a voice during this time, so use it. If there is anything you don’t like, can’t do, don’t want to do etc speak up and negotiate. This is how the contract is made. I suggest a 9-12 months of being under consideration bc once the contract is signed, you belong to them. No not legally, and yes you can walk away. It won’t hold up in any court. Doing so without a just reason will make you look bad in the eyes of the community. The Master is not allowed to cross any hard limits, and while technically you don’t have a safe word, there should be an emergency word if your health is in question.

I hope breaking down the various types of submissive will help you get a better understanding of the lifestyle but also yourself. While we don’t want everyone in a box with a label, there are some guidelines you should follow when discovering the submissive in you.