Learned a new BDSM term today. Well not an actual term, a term made up by someone that has no clue about BDSM, the symbolism in BDSM, or the understanding of basic definitions.
Yes you read that correctly. This isn’t even a brat thing. Which I could see them claiming, goes with the whole alpha sub. This is when a powerful person (basically a person in control in their vanilla life) submits in the bedroom only. Vanilla relationship outside of the bedroom/scene.
I tried helping the one that commented using this word as their identity in the lifestyle, but they insisted I was telling them how to do their dynamic and was wrong because that’s what they agreed to. 🤦🏻♀️The “sub” claims that bc they have a busy career, and they are in power, that submitting in bed is the same as being a sub, bc there is power exchange going on. <breathe Jen, breathe>
Here is why this word is not a BDSM term, it’s a pointless word anyways, since we have a term for what is being described already, a bottom.
In the scenes there is a temporary power exchange between the Top and bottom. Being dominated by your Top can be part of the scene, being submissive to your Top can be part of a scene. You are role playing, you’re not really a Dom or sub bc of those actions in a scene. The small amount of temporary power exchange that you experienced in that scene is not the same as a power exchange in a dynamic.
If you personally only scene with your D-type, your D-type IS your Top, and your Top IS your D-type. Same with bottom and s-type. Pretty easy to remember and understand. We separate the dynamic from the scene when explaining certain things in the BDSM lifestyle because you can scene with other people than your D-type/s-type and you can take on the other side of the slash / in a scene from your dynamic position. Simply put, being a Top does not mean you’re a Dom, and being a bottom does not mean you are a sub.
You must do the actions defined by the words to be considered a D-type, s-type, Top or bottom.
You can only want kink which is a Top or bottom, that does not take away from who you are in this lifestyle. Anyone that is involved in a scene is a Top/bottom, which is most of us. So many think it’s an insult, or you are “less BDSM” if you are *only* into the kink part. The B, S & M part of BDSM is strictly kink related. If you want a dynamic and no kink, that’s ok too. There will be some level of power exchange, and a somewhat vanilla sex life, with no kink activities (or no sex at all). You can have both dynamic & kink, or neither/vanilla.
I can be the Top in a scene with my Dom, my rules and guidelines are still in play, I must respect my Dom’s limits and consent. I’m still the sub, He is still the Dom. It’s role playing. We could role play “M/s”, that does not mean i am a slave or He is my Master, it was a temporary power exchange during a scene, once the scene is over you go back to the previous negotiated terms. If you have a vanilla relationship in everyday life, that is power neutral, or no power exchange. You can have kink in your relationship, all the kinks you want, if there is NO power exchange in the dyanmic (which is everything outside of the scene, kink, sex, and “bedroom” activities.) you do not have a BDSM dynamic.
The dynamic is the D-type/s-type BDSM relationship.
Top/bottom is the scene, kink, sex etc…”bedroom only” activities. One has nothing to do with the other. BOTH are valid, and respected within Traditional BDSM, as it should be. Educate yourself on what words mean. This lifestyle is already set up, and working just fine without some new generation “words mean nothing” thinking.
Thoughts? Disagree? Questions?