MyFavoriteKink

I’m sure at first glance you probably think this weeks blog is actually about “my favorite kink”, well you are not entirely incorrect. MyFavoriteKink (or MFK) is an adult store on Etsy that hand makes everything. While paracord is the favored material of this shop, they do offer other materials including leather. Since everything is hand made you can get customized items, different colors, lengths etc. All you have to do is mssg the shop owner and she will help you out.

My experience with MFK: I instantly fell in love with this shop, BEFORE placing my order. The owner has many beautiful items, . I WANTED THEM ALL….since that’s not going to happen in one order (oh but it will happen one day!) I decided to try out the Nylon/paracord looped end flogger. The product’s description as per MFK on Etsy:

This is a heavy and thuddy flogger that doesn’t hold back. The ends of the nylon are looped to prevent fraying. The falls are 12″ in length, and the handle is a firm 5″.

The customer service was excellent, answering every question that came up, including detail about the colors. Once i decided what color, purple (i know big shocker!!), she took a few days to hand make mine, then shipped them out right away. My package came from the USPS (regular US to US shipping), with the nature of my product it was able to fit in a standard sized mailbox. It arrived on time, in perfect condition (the post office obviously behaved that day).

The flogger is beautiful just to look at, i have it hanging in my bedroom as to admire it, and to have one hell of an interesting conversational piece. It is also beneficial to have the flogger hanging, it allows the falls (the part after the handle that you are hit with) keep their shape. Bunched up in a bag, it may lose their natural shape, causing a fall to pop in an unintentional area )

Holding the handle, my fingers fit in a groove along side a braid, which gives it a nature feel. The weight and balance are perfect for my needs. I was able to control where it landed, also how hard i needed to swing to ensure a certain level of sweet pain.

On the flip side, being the person receiving the sweet pain, i can say its an unique mixture of different types of pain. As you know i am fan of sting, usually favor the cane. Not a fan of any kind of thud! The bad thing about most floggers is its very thuddy, it will vary with how thick and wide the falls are. Luckily (at least for me) these falls are thin, which means it will have a bit of thud, but mostly sting. This is also a great piece for those wanting to try sting, but not brave enough to experience the cane. While everyone’s body is different, and have varies pain to bruise ratio, i personally do not bruise easily, and if a bruise happens to show, it will be gone in less than 24 hrs. On me it left bright red, intensely sensitive ass cheeks, among other areas.

I defiantly will be visiting and purshcing from their Etsy store & facebook page. Check them out for yourselves.

Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MyFavoriteKink

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/myfavoritekink/

I hope my experiences help others when making a decision when investing in your personal collection. Im talking to the subs as well. i have my own impact toys for reasons of safety & knowing my own bodies needs and limits..

Author: Jen Keicher co-owner of Whips, Chains & Duct Tape (cell phone link) Whips, Chains & Duct Tape

BONBDSM review

From  BONBDSM i ordered a purple small ball gag, along with a matching leather leash (to go with the beautiful training collar i won a few weeks prior)

The ordering process was very easy, the items i received were just like that of the pics posted on the website, i could not be happier at this point.

I was very surprised at how fast i received my product, considering the business is located Thailand. The product is in a bag (the one i received was purple, but so was my products) with a small BONBDSM tag on it. Its a cloth bag, and i am currently storing my toys ordered from BONBDSM in it.

Let me start off with the training collar (it is called a “bondage leather choke collar on the website), it is purple (offered in 7 other colors as well), leather, the O-ring and other fittings (including the rolling buckle) are of premium quality and made to withstand training of even your most stubborn sub/slaves. The measurements off of the site are approx 1” in width, and fits 12”-17” inches in circumference. It is very comfortable to wear, even when it is being pulled on and is tight. It WILL get their attention, i promise you that. It is a beautiful piece to have Your bottom wear to events, during play, or while serving their Dom/Master. As i stated earlier i was picked as one of the winners of this collar, i check the website and the price is $37.90 USD, well worth every penny!!!!

The Silicone Ball Gag. it is 1 ⅜’ inches, comes in 6 other colors besides the purple one i ordered. On the website it is listed for $29.90 USD, which is a great price, especially considering the amazing quality of an item you will be receiving. The silicone ball is non-toxic and has a completely neutral taste, i really hate the taste of plastic, lube or anything artificial like that, so that is a bonus for me.  The strap for all of them is black, made of quality leather, is really comfortable to wear. The buckle is easy to use and quality made, very comfortable for extended use as well. I visited the website BONBDSM to get the specs on this item and it has this listed “Designed to ensure that your partner keeps their mouth shut” Romance, its alive and well.

The purple leather leash is of the same great quality. Its beautiful to look at but also tough enough to keep them in line. It is listed $28.90USD and comes in the same colors as the ball gag, and collars. The chain is aluminum and has metal snap hook, easy to take your bottom out for a walk, or training.

Overall i am completely satisfied with the customer service, shipping, quality of the products I’ve ordered, prices and even the ease of ordering.

All items listed above are for my own private collection and use.

Check out BONBDSM at the following sites and see for yourself.

Website: BONBDSM

Facebook page: BONBDSM

Etsy store: BONBDSM

 

Lies….

There is no room in Poly or BDSM for lies. Lies will destroy all types of relationships. Don’t let the lies make you question yourself, or your worth. This isn’t just about Dominants either, trust me I know some submissives that are just as guilty.

IF you care so little about that person, end the relationship, in a respectful way. How you handle yourself during situations like this will reflect on reputation, as it should. As a community, we should watch out for this type of deceitful behavior, and protect those that have unfortunately been trapped in a web of lies.

Those that are being lied to, seek help from a member in the community, in real life or on line. Get out of your situation, especially if it’s abusive (mental, physical or sexual). Afterwards, take this time to grow as a person in the community because you never know when you might be returning the favor.

Those types of people, especially the ones that lie and don’t care about the persons well being, are not true to the lifestyle, don’t deserve respect or any self given title (usually Master).

I personally have experienced this, was told there was no one else, when there was. Which is why most people think poly means you can and are cheating. To protect all members in the relationship, be upfront and honest about your other relationship(s)/partner(s). I was also lied to about where he was and who he was with, when he was suppose to be with me. I questioned myself when he wouldn’t own up to his actions, instead of questioning him for not being an actual Dom. I hope my experience can shed some light on how cancerous a single lie can be. Also those that are being lied to, DONT allow them to break you, DONT buy into their bullshit. Walk away, with your head high, because you are better than them, deserve better AND will find better.

~Jen

Black Walnut Stained Mini Rattan Scourge ~Review by Jen

Black Walnut Stained Mini Rattan Scourge

The owner of SinsualSteel, Ray, and I discussed what product should i review for his business, and also give to one of the WCDT (Whips, Chains & Duct Tape) fans. There was one i was interested, had been for a while now, the “Mini Rattan Scourge”. Ray promised me sting (i’m a lover of sting, hate thud) even from this “little” guy.
When i received my package, i was beyond excited, i mean who doesn’t like new toys?!?!?! I pulled out the MINI rattan scourge (around 16” inches long) I totally giggled. All i could think was Ray has lost his mind, THIS is going to sting.
Let me just set the record straight on a few things. 1. NEVER judge a book by its cover and 2. NEVER doubt Ray!! Playtime was scheduled a few days later..
My Play Partner said that he had the same first impression , once he started swinging it, we both changed our minds rather quickly.. He said that because of its short size it was very stiff, which prevents “wrap-around” (curving or extending around at the edges or sides.). The smaller size allows you quick precision strikes, also great for the more sensitive parts of my body. The size of this toy allows you to bring it with you almost all the time, for a quick play time spanking, or for those that are naughty and need to be put in their place.
Being the masochist, and on the receiving end of this “mini” spanking toy, i must say i was shocked at the level of sting. I also liked it because it’s small, i was able to be in his arms while he spanked me, most of the longer canes are too big for that. It felt like a hand of canes, i felt each and every since one but then the punch (that still stayed very stingy). I bruised very nicely on my butt and boobs, and also floated off to subspace.
I have ordered the regular size Scourge which is 24” long, to compare the regular size and the mini, which will be my next review.
Ray takes pride in his product, enjoys helping customers with questions and also enjoys making new items that us masochist fall in love with.
If you have any questions you can email me at wcdt.fb@gmail.com
IF you have questions for Ray, you can find him on etsy at: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SinsualSteel

The Drops

Having sub-drop is not easy no matter what is going on in your life. Even if you have a support group, and great aftercare it can still happen. The best way to get through this is to be prepared, know the signs and communicate to your Dom/me.

There is a ton of information on varies sites about aftercare, aftercare kits etc…but not much about a sub-drop kit. Please don’t forget that sub-drop can happen to anyone, no matter how well you communicate or how great the aftercare was.

Let’s start off by discussing what your body goes through during a BDSM scene. Your body goes through many changes because of the pleasure and the pain throughout the scene. Your body’s natural reaction is to release epinephrine from the adrenal glands, as well as endorphins and enkephalins. This produces a trance like state, where our pain tolerance is higher and we have a floating feeling aka subspace. Your body enjoys this feeling, and does not react well when it’s over.  It can happen other ways as well like a “runner’s high”. When the scene is over and you float back down to reality you body can cause the opposite reaction called sub-drop.

While in sub-drop, you can feel depressed, very emotional, hopeless, embarrassed of the scene, needy, even suicidal. The effects vary from person to person and even vary with different scenes. This is why communication (yes that word again) is #1. Let your Dom/me or Top know if you have any mental problems, taking medication for it, or have had suicidal thought or actions. That way aftercare can be handled in a proper fashion.

The key to handling this in the best way possible is to know your body, know the signs, and being prepared. Now of course this will vary depending on if your relationship is LDR, On-line only, or if you live together. No matter what, have the aftercare kit, and a drop kit ready, it’s always better to be safe than to be sorry.

In your aftercare kit, I suggest a blanket (your temp can drop in subspace), hard candy or chocolate, your fave stuffie, water or Gatorade (need to re-hydrate after a scene), a dvd of your favorite movie, a letter from your Dom/me (Dom/me make sure you let them know just how proud you are of them and how far they have come in their submission), access to your Dom/me if you are in a LDR or on-line only type relationship (the first 24 hrs are the most crucial).

In your drop kit (some things may be the same or similar to the aftercare kit), i know some of these things are going to sound simple, but remember subdrop is very similar to a bad case of depression. A warm blanket, watch your favorite movie or a season of your favorite show, a schedule for the next day or so (any appointments, medication times, even a menu of food you need to prepare for you/your family), box of tissue, chocolate or hard candy, lots of water, take a walk (fresh air and sunlight can work wonders on your body), call a friend (sometimes talking about other things can take your mind off of what you’re going through), go see a movie with a friend (forcing you to get dressed, get fresh air, and enjoying yourself), take a bubble bath (candles, oils, your favorite music), get your hair cut, colored or just styled (pamper yourself), a body massage (works wonders, but take the bruises in consideration). The MOST important thing would be to communicate to your Dom/me or Top of what you are going through, talking it out can sometimes help you, also knowing this is normal and will pass can also help.

D/s or BDSM is NOT something you just jump into, education yourself about the different aspects of this lifestyle, knowing your needs AND your limits can help the scene, know your body both mental and physical, communication (before, during and after a scene), trusting your partner, and last but not least is to be prepared. All of this can help you and your partner have a productive scene, find a connection and form a bond.

If you have any question you can always reach me by Email.

by Jen of WCDT

10801833_680796885369737_5059986256809897753_n

BDSM Books

Here are some books that i recommend for anyone in the lifestyle that want to gain a better understanding of BDSM.

More Than Two byFranklin Veaux & Eve Rickert

http://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-practical-polyamory-ebook/dp/B00MSF4SLC/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1428892786&sr=1-1&keywords=more+than+two

Everything BDSM by Abbey Pointer & John Pointer

http://www.amazon.com/Everything-BDSM-Abbey-Pointer-ebook/dp/B00BXQVC1Q/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1428893136&sr=1-1&keywords=everything+bdsm

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Charley Ferrer

http://www.amazon.com/BDSM-Naked-Truth-Charley-Ferrer-ebook/dp/B00AGZAX9W/ref=sr_1_6?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1428893581&sr=1-6&keywords=Charley+ferrer

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

http://www.amazon.com/101-Realistic-Introduction-Jay-Wiseman/dp/0963976389/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1428893838&sr=1-1-catcorr&keywords=SM+101

 

 

The Collar

The Collar by Jen

A collar is NOT a joke!

It is NOT some pretty necklace your boyfriend bought you!

It NOT something you should be taking after submitting last week!

It is a bond, between Master/slave, Dom/sub, Daddy/lg (and other dynamics) that is SUPPOSE to last a lifetime, it is and should be treated as a sacred bond, a marriage between two people that live a different type of lifestyle.

I really get sick of some people that are collared within days of even knowing their Dom..its like going to Vegas and marrying the drunk guy in the casino. Have some respect for yourself and this lifestyle, think things through before submitting and taking His/Her collar. There is no need to rush things, IF it is meant to be it will.

1900158_1467869863424799_223095971_n

WCDT 101: Back to basics with safe words by Jen

WCDT 101:Back to basics with safe words by Jen.

A safe word is a code word to let your Dominant (or play partner) know that you are ready to pause or stop. Some use the stop light system (3 safe words) you can use “green, yellow, red” or pick your own words. The meaning behind those words are GREEN: yes I’m ok, loving it, please keep going. YELLOW: slow down some, i need to adjust a little or I’m ok but getting close to the stopping point. RED: STOP NOW, and now means NOW, not a few minutes from now. Red can be because you are hurting beyond your pain threshold, or something that was said, an action or even a smell has triggered a flashback of some kind.

Who should have a safe word? EVERYONE.

I know the people that use RACK would argue against that, because they are “risk aware” but can you really be prepared for everything? There can be things that happen that have nothing to do with the scene like a stomach ache, or a migraine that comes on, your leg goes numb because of an injury you had years ago. Even if you never use it, have one, just in case.

Does having a safe word mean you do not trust the Dom/Top? Not at all, they are not in your head, they can only tell so much by your moans and movements, so to avoid possible physical or mental damage use the safe word. It will be easier to get back in the mood or try a different type scene after a safe word, than if you let it get to the point of mental or physical damage with no safe word.

When should you pick a safe word? NOW! Do not wait until you have a Dom/me or you are on the way to a play session. The safe word is yours, yours to pick and yours to use. Discuss this with your potential Dom/me or Top. Make sure they know what your safe word is BEFORE you start the scene!! Always use common your sense and play safe.

1978811_1467867273425058_1915552301_n

Common Mistakes New People Make

The number one mistake I see made by those new to D/s is thinking there is a right and a wrong way to go about playing.  While there are some safety rules that should be followed, the only people who make the rules are the ones involved in the scene or relationship.  If anyone else tells you that you are doing this wrong, tell them to mind their own business.

 

Another common mistake is rushing into things.  I know that after years and years of suppressing this desire it is very hard to take it slow when you finally find out you aren’t the only one that gets turned on by bondage. But rushing to dominate or submit to another without taking the time to get to know some skills, and each other, is a recipe for pain… that is the bad kind, not the good.  When you first get started, take the time to read the literature, join a local organization, and get to know the person you will be playing with.

 

A mistake I often see new subs make is submitting to anyone and everyone who calls themselves a dominant.  Just because someone sticks “Master”, “Mistress”, “Dom” or “Domme” in their screen name doesn’t mean you have to call them “sir” or “ma’am” or submit to their demands. For the most part, a reputable, experienced dominant knows this and will not demand unearned respect.  New dominants are sometimes guilty of this.  If someone hasn’t earned your respect, why would you act like they have?

 

Another mistake inexperienced subs often make is in setting limits.  Some make too many limits, and this will sometimes frustrate or scare off the dominant.  Much more common is a new sub setting too few limits. They feel they will not be desirable or “sub” enough if they have limits.  Take some time to think about what truly squicks you… what you do not under any circumstances want to experience at present, and make this act a limit. If a potential Dom/me won’t agree to a certain limit, walk away.  Of course, your limits will change as you become more experienced.  What you won’t submit to this year, you may crave the next.

Something else I have seen is the “Dom/me is always right” syndrome.  The joke is there are two rules in D/s:

  1. The Dom/me is always right
  2. If the Dom/me is wrong, refer to Rule #1

That’s what it is, too… just a joke. Dom/mes are human and are sometimes wrong. It isn’t a sin against the D/s gods to respectfully suggest to your Dom/me that s/he may be wrong… especially if it involves a safety issue. Just because you are a sub doesn’t mean you check your brain at the door. If you are the dominant and make a mistake, don’t be afraid to admit it and apologize. It won’t make you any less “domly”.

Finally, many newbies think that the Dom/me’s pleasure is the only thing that matters. Sure, as a sub it is your job to please your Dom/me, but it should please you as a sub, also. We play these games to make everyone happy. While there may be times you do something to please your Dom/me that you don’t enjoy, if you find yourself doing this consistently you are probably with the wrong partners.

How to act like a respectful submissive

A newbie’s guide to being a respectful and desired submissive.

by Jen of WCDT.

 

    A lot of BDSM has become online only practice because of most having stumbled across this either by the “50 shades” books or on a Facebook page such as my own (Whips, Chains & Duct Tape). The good quiet girl has all this sexual confusion/frustration pent-up inside her needing to be let out of her cage. Not understanding any of this NEED or that there is a name for it, many girls will create a “fake” lifestyle Facebook profile so that the friends and family do not see what the “good girl” is up to on  FB. How could you possibly explain this to your aunt or friend from the office if you barely understand it yourself? So out of fear of rejection and ridicule you hide behind that dirty girl profile and start your journey.

    Here are some things I suggest to do when starting this journey to become a desired submissive in hopes to catch the eye of a respectful Dominant, this is my opinion that I have developed from research and talking with many Dominants. This not to be taken as the only way, as there is no “right or wrong” in BDSM as long as you are safe and happy.

1. DO NOT submit to someone you do not know. IF He is a REAL Dominant He will understand, and will encourage that you take your time so you can learn about yourself, who you are as a sub and what you want in Dominant.

2. DO NOT send dirty pics to every Dom/me on Facebook (or other sites) that includes page owners as well. Yes our Dom/mes want pics of what belongs to Them, but that is AFTER you get to know this Man/Women, have made sure there is a connection, you can trust Him/Her with the pic AND AFTER YOU HAVE SUBMITTED. If you send a Dom/me naked pics to entice Him to be your Dom/me, if He/She is a REAL Dom/me, it won’t work. A REAL Dom/me wants a respectable girl who can be HIS whore when He wants her to be, NOT a whore that all His Dom/me friends know all about and now He has to train her to be a lady.

3. TAKE YOUR TIME. I know this can be very exciting, you have finally figured out what has been missing in your life, that part of you is now AWAKE and wants to play. It’s hard not to give in, but girls, you need to stop, take a breath and arm yourself with some knowledge.

4. You can NEVER learn everything. Everyday you should study about some part of BDSM. Even the parts you do not want to be a part of. If watersports is a hard limit for you, learn about it and you will be able to stand your ground on why that is not your kink. On the flip side of that is maybe you have never heard of pet play, so you do the research and learn that you have an inner kitty that is dying to claw her way out, a kink that you may of never discovered had you not done your research on kinks.

5. Learn what the differences between a Daddy, Dominant(Dom/me), and Master/Mistress. How does it change the type of relationship you are getting into? Just because you are a submissive does not  mean you cannot learn all about a Dom figure. How can you find a real Dom, your perfect match for you if you are clueless on what you are even looking for?

6. Learn about yourself. What do you want out of BDSM? Just bedroom play to bring some life back to your marriage or a complete lifestyle change? A serious 24/7, where every second is living to serve you Dom/me? Are you a submissive, pet, slave, a little? So many questions you need think about and research. Ask yourself who am i and what do i want my role in BDSM to be?

7. Relationship dynamics. There are so many but some of the more popular ones are real-time, live-in, on-line only, or long distance (LDR). Who is going to be in the relationship? It can be monogamous, open, poly (poly or D/s poly where there is one in charge and an alpha sub). Is the Dom/me (or even yourself) married to a vanilla? Does He/She have a live-in sub (married or not) and will you His/Her online only or possible LDR sub? Would you be allowed to “play” with other subs, would you even want to? Are you bi-sexual and willing to possibly with other women/men with your Dom/me? Could you handle knowing He/She cares for and has a connection with another sub? **Important note about poly…If done openly and honestly is a beautiful and rewarding experience. IF done wrong (which so many are) it can be painful, cause depression, low self-esteem and even end the relationship/friendships.

8. The best thing to do is get some lifestyle friends. Preferably real life, but on-line will do. It helps to be able to confide in someone about your excitements, disappointments and fears.  When you find that you are not alone with your emotions it’s a lot easier to process and grow from them. If possible go to a munch in your area or a city close to you, just to be around others in the lifestyle, meet new people, maybe even meet your Dom/me.

9. GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCTS!  If it does NOT seem right, then you need to stop, rethink what is going on, and ask someone (that you trust) if what’s going on is ok. Yes you are the sub, and are to obey YOUR Dom/me, not ALL Dom/mes. You have the right as a sub to stand up for yourself ESPECIALLY when it comes to a hard limit. You also have the right to NOT allow a “dom/me” to abuse you in the name of BDSM. Do NOT stay with a Dom/me that ignores your safety ESPECIALLY if they keep going after you safeword! Do NOT stay in a D/s relationship if the connection is not real, and you are not going to grow from that relationship. You should not fake emotions just so you can be owned.

10. SAFEWORD. Have one!!! Some like to be creative and pick their own, some us the stop light system (red, yellow & green) It does not matter if you are a new sub or if you are playing with a new Dom (new to you or new to BDSM) Have a safeword , and make sure the Dom/me knows it! It could be a matter of life or death.

11. LIMITS. These are YOUR limits. What you want to do (or do again) or try. Hard limits are something you do NOT want to try, never. Soft limits are kinks that interest you, but have never even thought of trying until now…you are turned on by the idea of it, but want to go at a slower pace, with someone you trust.

12. Communication. When you are confused, upset or need to talk about something, ask your Dom/me for a timeout. A timeout is when you stay respectful, but are allowed to express how you feeling about something going on in the relationship. Let your Dom/me know if something is bothering you, if you are upset or even scared. Emotions will be running wild and its easy to lose a grip on them. If you are not in a good head space, it can throw off a scene and make things worse. If you let your Dom/me know what is wrong, they can help you understand and get through it in an emotionally safe way.

13. A VERY IMPORTANT ONE! Show respect towards others. A Dom/me does NOT want a disrespectful sub that doesn’t know her place. A few different ways to avoid that is by doing the following. You can address other Dom/mes by either their names or Sir/Ma’am. Do NOT call another Dom Master, Daddy, Lord etc…that should be only for YOUR Dom, that is disrespectful to Him/Her and His/Her subs. DO NOT flirt with, send naked pics to or try to get a Dom/me to cheat on or leave His/Her sub. That is beyond disrespectful to do this, you should not use BDSM as an excuse to be a whore (except to your Dom). If He/She will cheat on their current sub, then i’m sure they will cheat on you. BDSM is about RESPECT (of yourself and others). You should show it in all things you do. If you are owned, then you should represent your Dom/me in a positive way.

I hope this will shed some light on the basic foundation of BDSM. A guide of where to start and things you need to think about and research BEFORE submitting or playing with others.